future me

I've decided to dedicate this post to my future self. I reckon when I'm much older and have nothing left to live for except the promise of my next pay cheque, I'll resort to looking at this blog to figure out when exactly my life went so wrong :P.

Answer: Drugs. Matt, you should have done less drugs.

But behind the coke sniffing, petrol drinking, meth injecting, herb smoking broken shell of a human I am, there lies the real me. And that real me wants to give future me a few pointers:

1) Don't lose the ambition to do the things you love
2) Oh yeah, get the ambition to do the things you love.
3) Learn to play the guitar. Or if you already know how to play the guitar - learn to play it better.
4) Invest in leather pants. It can't be too long until they become fashionable again.
5) Donate generously to homeless shelters. Face it mate, that's you're real superannuation.
6) I'm assuming by now you're living your dream of becoming a world famous ballet dancer, so my advice to you now is: Keep to the fundamentals - no flashy moves. Twirl, jump, spin. Twirl, jump, spin. And watch inspirational dancing movies like; Dirty Dancing, Footloose and Black Swan. Keep up the good work!

THESIS and buckets

My Thesis is due in 5 days!! It's been almost done for a bout 2 weeks now, especially if you consider 40 pages away from your target as 'almost done'. But yeah, this time I mean it! I've also got a few assessments and quiz's which I need to jump over in order to hand my Thesis in on time, but overall it shouldn't be an issue.

BACK TO LIVING IN FILTH!

I resorted to spraying my dirty shirt with surface cleaner yesterday. What? My shirt's a surface. It's unsurprisingly ineffective. But on the bright side, I made myself a bucket of stir fry last night. A shit tonne of veges, chicken, rice and love is condensed into a conveniently sized bucket, and waiting for me patiently on the bottom layer of the fridge. MMmMMmMmm leftovers.

YOLO unless you're Jesus.

I've always wondered what a midlife crisis actually feels like. I've always found it quite puzzling how a person can just spontaneously erupt into life after having a sudden epiphany that they've wasted the first 40 something years of their life. At what point do these men draw the line and go "fuck, what am I doing?". Is it when they lose their hair? When they finally balance their budget? When they discover their favorite song is considered by the radio station to be part of the 'oldies' section? I dunno. Do women suffer from a midlife crisis? I'd suspect so, but it doesn't seem as cliche.

I'm only talking about this because my mum mentioned something to me about 3 weeks ago which only now registered in my brain. She said 'the prime of your life is in your early 20's'. That's a pretty heavy fact, and a depressing one too if you only just realized that you're no longer in your 'early 20's'.

Society reinforces this concept a whole lot too I think. I think Lilly Allen's song "22" captures this pretty well. Yes, I listen to Lilly Allen. No, that doesn't make me gay. Fuck you.

I've also been thinking more about potential job prospects. After a few unsuccessful attempts to get anywhere, I decided to mimic Auguste Rodin's "the thinker" by sitting naked on a stool in my backyard balancing my head on my fist and staring intently at the ground. After being caught in the spotlight by my roommates I realized my true calling. Ballet. Yeah, I want to become a ballet dancer. No, that doesn't make me gay. Fuck you.

But all this midlife crisis shit will never affect me. I'm going to be young and reckless forever! Let the number of posts related to binge drinking and poor hygiene continue! YOLO!

Matt J - zero. Matt J Ego - minus one

It finally happened! I reached another record low!

I usually cook meals in bulk so that I don't have to cook very often throughout the week. So when I do occasionally make a meal, it'll be enough to supply the entire house with nutrition. Today was special though because I had 1kg of beef mince to make spaghetti out of. I cooked it all, but was unable to eat even 10% of it. I couldn't find any container in the house big enough to hold the leftovers until I discovered the discarded 4L sour cream bucket that had been taken from the White House. I re-purposed the bucket and left it in the fridge for later. I'm not too ashamed of this so far - in fact, i'm kinda proud. It's what happened next which i'm not too happy about. Later on that day I pulled the bucket out of the fridge to snack on the cold meal some more (it was cold because it wouldn't fit in the microwave and I couldn't be bothered cleaning a plate). As i'm walking toward the couch duel wielding the bucket and an empty jar of Pasta sauce (which I had re-purposed into a glass of water), I slipped on something on the ground. Fortunately I had my priorities right and I caught hold of the bucket and let the jar fall freely to the ground. The glass jar didn't break, but the water sprayed all over my shirt. I also noticed a little pasta spillage by the side of he bucket, so I decided to quickly fix it by licking the rim of the tub. To me, I thought i looked like a hungry uni student who just fumbled to the floor. However, to my roommate I looked like a dog covered in water, on hands and knees and eating scraps out of a bucket by the toilet. My dog, Molly, would have been proud.

In other news, my Thesis due date is coming up! It looks like i'm going to have it finished on time, no problem. However, UNSW has just made a recent decision (like 3 days ago, recent) to upgrade their educational system to a MOOC (Massive Open Online Course). This may not sound like much, but it leaves a shiiiit tonne of potential research to evaluate. Hopefully I can do this before the 7th.

food

For the longest time I've wanted to be a vegetarian for moral reasons, but the longest I've gone without eating meat is a week. That may not sound impressive, but it's a big deal for me. I usually can't commit myself to anything for more than a few hours - just take a look at all the sports I've gotten involved in. I've decided that a more practical solution is to reduce eating meat or become a pescetarian. The obvious moral contradictions with Prescetarianism (you can't eat meat, but you can eat fish) doesn't bother me too much because I view fish as the gingers of our society - it's OK to punish them because they have no souls. The downside to my diet revolution is putting a bit more effort into making myself food in the kitchen, and I could no longer go to McDonald's after a night out and order the Mc.CowonaBun.

My thesis is due in 3 weeks! AHHHH

Боже мой я люблю Зака Эфрона

So I just realized that I have a statistics tab on my blog. It shows me who looks at my blog, how often and where from. I looked it up to see which countries I get most of my views from. It turns out that Australia and America provides a few views. But that figure is drowned by the sea of Russian viewers who read my blog. I don't think anybody was expecting that. I don't think any individual is that bored/depressed to read about someones life who he will never meet, so I reckon this is probably some old soviet computer which is scanning all computers in democratic countries to give the former USSR a distinct advantage during the cold war. However, I don't really know Russian people so maybe there is a guy in Moscow reading this post right now. So I reckon he's earned a personalized letter. Firstly, I think it's a safe bet that the person is male and that his name is Yuri.

Dearest Yuri,

Я надеюсь, вам понравится австралийского образа жизни. Это позор, вы никогда не получите, чтобы увидеть это лично. Я на самом деле не алкогольные я, кажется. На самом деле я бродяга, который живет в доме. Фиолетовый обезьяны посудомоечная машина блин.

From your hero,
Matthew James

Alright. I'm 10 minutes late for a class so lets make this quick. Umm, I did 2 lab reports a thesis meeting and a quiz on monday. I've got a shit tonne of work to get done by Thursday and Friday. After that I plan to collapse on the couch and undertake a very lazy and unhealthy movie marathon. Need to re watch every Star Wars movie in preparation for the new Star Wars movie coming out!! Lets hope Zac Efron plays the protagonist! *Fan girl scream*

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I'm tired