beard

Three days ago I experienced one of the greatest joys a man can ever experience. I'm talking of course about eating left over food that has been stuck in your beard. The event was made even more perfect by the fact that my tongue was only just long enough to reach the very corner of the chill con carne. Just to be sure I reached it all, I turned my tongue into a car window wiper for a few seconds after I devoured the mouldy meal.

But all good things come to an end. Two days ago, my beard had reached that awful length where the line between unfashionable and caveman had been crossed. I was waddling my way toward a uni sex bathroom just before my class was about to start, and as I was in the act of pulling the door open, when a small Asian girl leaving the bathroom simultaneously tries to open the door from the other end. As the door swings open I notice the young Asian girls face turn from yellow to white as she accidently glances at my face. Something about my beard scared the shit out of her because she let out a quick uncontrolled high pitched scream that could make glass shatter.

It was at this moment that I realized my beard had to go. It's just too incontinent having something attached to your face that drives fear into the unconscious mind of normal people. I shaved it all off yesterday. And yes, I did take a picture of me midway through shaving. And yes, it is a photo of me with just neck beard. No, it won't go on Facebook.

RIP Beard. May you grow in peace

jasper won the bet, he takes the crate :(