YOLO unless you're Jesus.

I've always wondered what a midlife crisis actually feels like. I've always found it quite puzzling how a person can just spontaneously erupt into life after having a sudden epiphany that they've wasted the first 40 something years of their life. At what point do these men draw the line and go "fuck, what am I doing?". Is it when they lose their hair? When they finally balance their budget? When they discover their favorite song is considered by the radio station to be part of the 'oldies' section? I dunno. Do women suffer from a midlife crisis? I'd suspect so, but it doesn't seem as cliche.

I'm only talking about this because my mum mentioned something to me about 3 weeks ago which only now registered in my brain. She said 'the prime of your life is in your early 20's'. That's a pretty heavy fact, and a depressing one too if you only just realized that you're no longer in your 'early 20's'.

Society reinforces this concept a whole lot too I think. I think Lilly Allen's song "22" captures this pretty well. Yes, I listen to Lilly Allen. No, that doesn't make me gay. Fuck you.

I've also been thinking more about potential job prospects. After a few unsuccessful attempts to get anywhere, I decided to mimic Auguste Rodin's "the thinker" by sitting naked on a stool in my backyard balancing my head on my fist and staring intently at the ground. After being caught in the spotlight by my roommates I realized my true calling. Ballet. Yeah, I want to become a ballet dancer. No, that doesn't make me gay. Fuck you.

But all this midlife crisis shit will never affect me. I'm going to be young and reckless forever! Let the number of posts related to binge drinking and poor hygiene continue! YOLO!

Matt J - zero. Matt J Ego - minus one

It finally happened! I reached another record low!

I usually cook meals in bulk so that I don't have to cook very often throughout the week. So when I do occasionally make a meal, it'll be enough to supply the entire house with nutrition. Today was special though because I had 1kg of beef mince to make spaghetti out of. I cooked it all, but was unable to eat even 10% of it. I couldn't find any container in the house big enough to hold the leftovers until I discovered the discarded 4L sour cream bucket that had been taken from the White House. I re-purposed the bucket and left it in the fridge for later. I'm not too ashamed of this so far - in fact, i'm kinda proud. It's what happened next which i'm not too happy about. Later on that day I pulled the bucket out of the fridge to snack on the cold meal some more (it was cold because it wouldn't fit in the microwave and I couldn't be bothered cleaning a plate). As i'm walking toward the couch duel wielding the bucket and an empty jar of Pasta sauce (which I had re-purposed into a glass of water), I slipped on something on the ground. Fortunately I had my priorities right and I caught hold of the bucket and let the jar fall freely to the ground. The glass jar didn't break, but the water sprayed all over my shirt. I also noticed a little pasta spillage by the side of he bucket, so I decided to quickly fix it by licking the rim of the tub. To me, I thought i looked like a hungry uni student who just fumbled to the floor. However, to my roommate I looked like a dog covered in water, on hands and knees and eating scraps out of a bucket by the toilet. My dog, Molly, would have been proud.

In other news, my Thesis due date is coming up! It looks like i'm going to have it finished on time, no problem. However, UNSW has just made a recent decision (like 3 days ago, recent) to upgrade their educational system to a MOOC (Massive Open Online Course). This may not sound like much, but it leaves a shiiiit tonne of potential research to evaluate. Hopefully I can do this before the 7th.

food

For the longest time I've wanted to be a vegetarian for moral reasons, but the longest I've gone without eating meat is a week. That may not sound impressive, but it's a big deal for me. I usually can't commit myself to anything for more than a few hours - just take a look at all the sports I've gotten involved in. I've decided that a more practical solution is to reduce eating meat or become a pescetarian. The obvious moral contradictions with Prescetarianism (you can't eat meat, but you can eat fish) doesn't bother me too much because I view fish as the gingers of our society - it's OK to punish them because they have no souls. The downside to my diet revolution is putting a bit more effort into making myself food in the kitchen, and I could no longer go to McDonald's after a night out and order the Mc.CowonaBun.

My thesis is due in 3 weeks! AHHHH

Боже мой я люблю Зака Эфрона

So I just realized that I have a statistics tab on my blog. It shows me who looks at my blog, how often and where from. I looked it up to see which countries I get most of my views from. It turns out that Australia and America provides a few views. But that figure is drowned by the sea of Russian viewers who read my blog. I don't think anybody was expecting that. I don't think any individual is that bored/depressed to read about someones life who he will never meet, so I reckon this is probably some old soviet computer which is scanning all computers in democratic countries to give the former USSR a distinct advantage during the cold war. However, I don't really know Russian people so maybe there is a guy in Moscow reading this post right now. So I reckon he's earned a personalized letter. Firstly, I think it's a safe bet that the person is male and that his name is Yuri.

Dearest Yuri,

Я надеюсь, вам понравится австралийского образа жизни. Это позор, вы никогда не получите, чтобы увидеть это лично. Я на самом деле не алкогольные я, кажется. На самом деле я бродяга, который живет в доме. Фиолетовый обезьяны посудомоечная машина блин.

From your hero,
Matthew James

Alright. I'm 10 minutes late for a class so lets make this quick. Umm, I did 2 lab reports a thesis meeting and a quiz on monday. I've got a shit tonne of work to get done by Thursday and Friday. After that I plan to collapse on the couch and undertake a very lazy and unhealthy movie marathon. Need to re watch every Star Wars movie in preparation for the new Star Wars movie coming out!! Lets hope Zac Efron plays the protagonist! *Fan girl scream*

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I'm tired

Religion

No I'm not going to start a rant. I just finished watching a video in the University as part Islam awareness week. The description on the flyer made me think it was going to be a lecture by a main speaker about abortion- like it was yesterday. Instead they played an under-budget film with substandard actors with a plot line composed entirely of exhausted cliches. The protagonist - a single, poor, jobless, pregnant woman stranded in New York city contemplates getting an abortion. Then the woman realizes after talking with a kind, trusting, religious gentleman that having the baby is the best decision ever. The credits were the best though. It showed a 5 minute clip of the baby 5 years later running along a beach with the mom smiling and singing next to her dream partner.

Well, I guess that settles it, I'm convinced. Not getting an abortion is fucking awesome.

It turns out that the movie was really just preaching to the coir though because when they asked for feedback from the audience Everyone (and I mean everyone) gave a fantastic review and talked about how it so accurately represents 'societies one dimensional nature for pro abortion'.

Furious and a little bored, I put up my hand and gave my full rant. I talked about how the movie misrepresented the other side of the argument and I talked about how the movie used unfair persuasion tactics (like dramatic music) to push a very bias agenda against abortion. The entire theater turned around and looked at me with confused eyes. It's at that moment that I realized almost everyone was wearing the same yellow T-shirt. They were all volunteers for the pro life campaign around UNSW. A few figure heads tried to create a rebuttal against my argument, but didn't get far because the Pizza had just arrived. I was saved again by the delicious, cheesy, greasy bell.

Tomorrows lecture is at 1:00pm and it's about same sex marriage. No doubt there will be some religious figure head trying to push the naturalist argument against homosexuality. But he won't get far, because wherever religious indoctrination spreads, Atheist man and Agnostic boy (Goddamn, I wish I had a sidekick) will be there! Just look for the secular sign in the clouds! (the secular sign is just a giant penis).

beard

Three days ago I experienced one of the greatest joys a man can ever experience. I'm talking of course about eating left over food that has been stuck in your beard. The event was made even more perfect by the fact that my tongue was only just long enough to reach the very corner of the chill con carne. Just to be sure I reached it all, I turned my tongue into a car window wiper for a few seconds after I devoured the mouldy meal.

But all good things come to an end. Two days ago, my beard had reached that awful length where the line between unfashionable and caveman had been crossed. I was waddling my way toward a uni sex bathroom just before my class was about to start, and as I was in the act of pulling the door open, when a small Asian girl leaving the bathroom simultaneously tries to open the door from the other end. As the door swings open I notice the young Asian girls face turn from yellow to white as she accidently glances at my face. Something about my beard scared the shit out of her because she let out a quick uncontrolled high pitched scream that could make glass shatter.

It was at this moment that I realized my beard had to go. It's just too incontinent having something attached to your face that drives fear into the unconscious mind of normal people. I shaved it all off yesterday. And yes, I did take a picture of me midway through shaving. And yes, it is a photo of me with just neck beard. No, it won't go on Facebook.

RIP Beard. May you grow in peace

jasper won the bet, he takes the crate :(