Marathon

I just did the Blackmores 42km Marathon today! I was worried about it for 2 reasons.

1) My left foot got injured 3 days prior and
2) The longest I'd ever run was 14km. (that's inverting the numbers and adding 1. Yeah, it's a big number.

I promised myself that I wouldn't care about the time as long as I managed to run the whole thing. A pretty stupid expectation to set on myself considering how little I knew about marathons at the time.

Ironically I didn't run the whole thing but I got a good time. 4 hours 6 minutes.

I stopped twice to walk for about 5 minutes. I couldn't help it! I found that once I hit the 20k mark, I wasn't running anymore, I was undergoing a controlled fall. So once my body slowed down enough to grab some water, I lost my momentum and walked for a bit. When I reflect back on it though, I think stopping and walking for small bursts actually improved my time because it gave me a chance to regain my breath, stay hydrated and devour as many energy gels as I possibly could. In case you don't know, energy gel is a gooey form of cocaine; except you inhale it though your mouth.

Overall I'd say the biggest thing I learned is that a Marathon is more of a mental game than a physical one. I found your body can run at an agonizingly slow pace for hours and hours, but it's your brain that makes you stop prematurely. Somehow you've got to tame your mind (which I think is best personified as an unemployed British hobo sprawled out on a sofa telling you to lie down and have a drink), and force yourself to stagger your way relentlessly to the finish line.

Jobs

About a year ago my parents gave me some invaluable advice about my blog.

"Don't mention anything scathing about your current job", they began, "potential future employers put a lot of effort into thoroughly researching applicants", they continued, "and if they perceive ungrounded pessimism in your blog", they argued, "then", they signed, "you won't get the job you want".

I've had some time to think about this and I've come to the conclusion that my parents are absolutely right. This leaves me in an awkward position because I'm afraid that at some point in the last few years I may have voiced frustration at my various jobs. Fortunately, however, my future employer (I'm guessing his name will be Charles), will stumble upon this post when performing his exhaustive background research on me. Consequently, this is a fantastic opportunity to make amends for my previous uncalculated emotional outbursts on my blog. So without any further adieu, Charles, this song is for you:

(Que soft sounding piano)
Charles I've got something to confess,
At some point in the last few years I
may have fallen victim to work related stress,
and in an act of delusional thinking I... may have told a lie.

I guess what I'm really trying to say
Is that I'm sorry about the way
I criticized the 9-5 working routine.
For you see the truth really is:
That I love working in a cubical all day
and staring for hours at my monitor display
I see now what I should have always seen
that I'm the weird one, not the biz.

(Que drums and guitar)
I'm sorry that I didn't believe
I'm sorry for what I used to perceive
I'm sorry that I had to apply for leave
For the last few hours of New Years Eve

I was fucked up in the head before
but the old me has exited out the door
It's the 9-5 not the 9-4
And it shouldn't be any less or any more!

I need to ask you for your forgiveness
This sedentary lifestyle is good for fitness
And now all I want for Christmas
Is to spend more time in your business

The best time to spend indoors is during the day
I don't want to be anywhere else anyway
Even when I've done all my work I'll still stay
Otherwise how will I be payed?

Projects that don't matter are really fascinating
And I never spend my time contemplating
whether I should focus on something more captivating
I'm not having a go, I'm just stating
That the work I do is really motivating

(Que slow flute)
I applaud any bosses decision
To pursue what they envision
And treat my ideas with derision

The 9-5 is traditional
Which is why it's nonsensical
To work any other way
So I'll suck it up and just have a g'day

City2Surf

I ran the City2Surf on Sunday. As always, it was a lot of fun and totally worth being immobile the next day. My phone malfunctioned (grrr sony!) just before the race so I can't be 100% sure of my time, but I think I got 1 hour 4 minutes and 59 seconds. I really wanted to dress up as Brave Heart this year, walk to the front of the line and shout out "FREEEEDOM!" as the gun went off, but my fear of being trampled got the best of me.

In between the giant voids of spare time I've had over the last 4 months, I've managed to fit in a few small 25 minute training sessions. I've also been putting some effort into eating better too! My standards in appreciating a good meal aren't much higher than the average domesticated dog, but where I lack for in skill, I make up for with enthusiasm. I've also wanted to cut down eating meat too! Sadly though, the only vegetarian meal I eat is cereal - but in my defense, I do eat a lot of it.

I've recently gotten in contact with a family friend, Stuart, who has kindly agreed to be my mentor. Even with his advice and contacts, I still haven't gotten any closer to finding a job though. :( One job field he suggested I look at was banking. I personally love the idea of using mathematics in a professional way, however I strongly suspect that the job won't be the ideal academic position I'm looking for. If I became a banker though, I could make ordinary deposits by day and steal money from the innocent by day! Muahaha. Against the advice I've acquired from a few trusted friends, I kinda want to travel to another country to work! The more travel, the better. My dream is to learn how to say "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" in every language. One of my school friends, Paul, recently traveled to Japan to peruse his dream career. I really admire this move, although I wonder how strong the culture shock will be! Hmm, I wonder if Japanese people get culture shock traveling to Australia? They probably do. I wonder if Japan views Australia as the land of really cold toilet seats.

I've also been working a little more on my company too. Although, my constant battle for motivation is leaving the prospect of ever getting VirtuallyPassed off the ground pretty slim. In fact, I'm afraid my business will do as badly as the 'I love Sharia law' T-shirt selling business in America.

To battle this lack of motivation I've decided to get more involved with the community around me. I've recently started; looking at moving out again to areas like Bondi and Maroubra and re sending applications to join rowing clubs. I've also started making minor changes to my day as well. I've started drinking coffee and I've changed my alarm in the morning to the sound of a door creaking open to keep me on my toes! Once the paranoia wears off, I'm sure the motivation will kick in!

Getting a job

Gather ‘round children, let me tell you a tale filled with wonder, excitement, disappointment, judgement and mercy

Once upon a time a young boy found himself frolicking around his neighborhood, prancing from street to street without the slightest hint of suspicion. Don't let appearance fool you, though! The young boy had a grin on his face and jump in his step, but a worrying thought in his mind. For only hours earlier, the young boy had been at a nasty place called Knox Grammar! For it was at this place, filled with overgrown vines and perpetual thunder, that the boy was told a secret from his teacher. A secret, that once known, could not be unknown. Another student, a friend perhaps, had innocently asked this teacher

"my grades aren't good, will I ever get a job?".

The teacher crawled up to the boy and tickled his chin, then turned around and said on a whim 

"It's not about the grades you make, it's about the hands you shake."

Silence spread through the room instantly. The teacher paused, hesitated, then bellowed out

"It really doesn't matter whether your credentials vouch for you or not, all that matters is your reputation"

The children then started clapping and making a beat while the teacher continued:

"As long as you; look presentable, have a firm handshake and glint in your eye,

then the job shall be yours, I assure you, 

because that's how I got mine

For you see children, you don't need skills,

no, not at all,

but if you don't wear polished shoes, then prepare to fall!

Employers will skip past the credentials and go to the picture,

they'll see a while male and know not to hit 'ya

A suit is your best friend

It says more than a degree ever could

but remember, dear children

your real advantage is rich parenthood"

At this point the class burst into song with the teacher:

Class: "so you're saying we don't need credentials?"

Teacher: "That's right, just networking potential!"

Class: "but what if we're not fit for the job?"

Teacher: "That's what hiring minorities is for, you silly sod!"

The class soon ended and all the children confidently marched home. Our young hero, all the while, pondering the truth of the employment process. The young boy murmured under a whimper

"perhaps there is an employer somewhere out there

that will hire people regardless of what they wear

maybe, just maybe there's a company that

doesn't discriminate, and focus's on stat's"

And that is the tale of our young hero. Eight years later he works a nine till five, pondering to this day whether a moral employment system might still be alive. 

Ankle and volunteering

My Ankle is still fucked! It actually seems to be getting worse! At first it didn't feel so bad, but now it's gotten to such a state that I've started to use crutches again. I'm convinced I'm undergoing a reversed healing process! I'm not worried though, I'll just have to endure the increasing pain until I reach the starting point where I injured my ankle - and then I'll be fine. Logic.

And now for something completely different:

I'm sooooooooo bored! My job isn't challenging me, I live by myself and I can't do many forms of exercise. My parents recently told me that they're planning on not renting out the apartment regardless of whether I stay in their flat or not; which means I can continue staying there almost rent free! This is actually a curse in disguise because now I've got a financial incentive to stay in the apartment and continue festering away.

On the bright side my social life hasn't completely shriveled up yet. I recently went to a drinks party with a few friends of mine roughly my age. You know you're all growed up when random people you talk to stop asking you questions like "what degree are you studying?" and "what are you going to be when you grow up?" and start asking you questions like "so where do you work?" and "whats your predicted value of goldman sachs shares?"

In an attempt to get more out of life I've applied to volunteer for a number of places. I've recently applied to be a mentor / tutor for the Shack Youth Services.  I also volunteered to help conduct noise and velocity measurements at the UNSW wind tunnel after I finish work. I volunteered for the same reason every else actually volunteers; to give myself a sense of accomplishment and an ego boost, not to help children. Fuck kids (not in the Catholic way).

my shit's fucked up

I went for a run last night as a final preparation for the half marathon that's coming up this Sunday! I was approaching the last 100m of my route when I stepped in a pot hole and twisted my ankle. At first I kept running on it thinking that it wouldn't be too bad. One step in and I collapsed and fell down a flight of stairs :(. It's fortunate there were only 3 stairs in the flight, but still! This screws me up in 3 ways: 1) I won't be able to run for 4 weeks 2) I can't compete in the marathon happening this Sunday and 3) Yesterdays run was probably a record breaking time! :(

Well, I guess this is the best excuse I need to start spending 33% of my time eating, 33% of my time sleeping and 33% of my time playing dota (eat, sleep dota repeat). The other 1% can be spent speculating on where my life is heading.

Getting fit was just one of the improvements I had on my list coming back from Europe. That's right, I made a list. No, that's not weird, fuck you. I later found out that creating a list doesn't really get you anywhere unless you actively try and tick off things from that list. I think that makes me the opposite of people who say "I don't make the rules, I just follow them". My complete list was:

1) Get a job
2) Get a home
3) Lean to code
4) Get fit
5) Learn to cook (well)
6) Learn German
7) Learn guitar

So far, the only one I've managed to somewhat cross off is learning how to cook. And that's only if you count preparing 'bacon sushi' a delicacy.

I was getting a lot of looks of sympathy from strangers on the bus as I stumbled my way to my chair wearing my compression bandage and clutching my crutches. This is a reaction I'm quite familiar with though because of my disgusting hair and top knot. I just want to let you all know, that I'm not actually a wanna be hipster because I stated growing the 'man bun' out before it was cool! Wait, actually that's exactly what a hipster would say! I guess that makes me a douche bag and a hipster. Fuck.

In other news, I've decided to invent a new game which I think will be awesome! It's called pedestrian jousting and it's a 4 player game. One team of two starts at one side of a pedestrian crossing and reenacts a medieval joust by getting one person to sit on top of another person and using their arm as a jousting stick. The other team does the same thing on the other side of the road until they collide at an agonizingly slow pace. Describing this game using words makes it seem pretty lame, but I can imagine this being the next Facebook if it's done right!

Paris day 1

Gurrr! I was on my flight back to Sydney, writing a great post which summarized my entire Europe trip and my last day in Paris, aaaaaaaaaaand then my phone died. My phone is the source of my motivation, so I've been unable to reproduce the post until now. In case you guys don't know, my memory is really crap so a lot of what I write could be slightly inaccurate or a complete lie. Here goes:


I'm pretty sure I arrived in Paris by mid afternoon at a train station which I'm pretty sure was smack bam in the middle of Paris - probably only a few meters away from the Eiffel tower. It was raining and my train was late, so I made my way to Marine's place as fast as I could. After swimming through the busy wet streets I finally arrived at her place. Sadly I needed a password to enter the apartment (which I didn't have) so I decided to go to the nearest store to get WiFi to contact Marine virtually. The place next door was a fancy upper class beauty parlor, and I'm pretty sure I could smell the French receptionist's panic as I walked through door drenched in mud and rain water. She started saying something in French which i'm sure translated to "I'm sorry sir, we can't clean you - no one can" before I interrupted her saying in English that I just needed WiFi.


I met up with Marine shortly afterwards and she led me to her awesome studio apartment. We made an awesome quiche for lunch and then headed out to see the city. First stop I think was the church called "sacre coeur" (no, i didn't remember that, I needed to look it up). It was a very large beautiful building which has a perfect view of the rest of Paris. There were donation boxes everywhere claiming that generous donations were the only source of income for the church - bullshit?


After visiting the church I felt like indulging in sinful behavior so we decided to go to the nearest pub to get drunk. We went to some awesome gamer paradise pub with plenty of Game of Thrones, Star Wars and V for Vendetta posters and props. I went up to the counter to order Marine a Guinness and myself an interesting sounding drink called a "monaco". I pulled the best poker face ever once I realized that a monaco is an extremely girly drink with hardly any alcohol in it. I even took a manly gulp of the Guinness in front of the bar tender so she'd be sure to think that the girly drink was for Marine - sorry Marine, I had to do it.


We ended up walking back to her apartment after the pub because there had been a bomb threat in the subway, and consequently the whole subway had been closed. Even though people definitely seemed to be more frustrated than scared, you could still since a tad of fear lingering around Paris after the whole Charlie Hebdo shooting.


We got back to the apartment to cook an awesome dinner featuring the highly anticipated spaetzle! That's right, I finally tried it! We spent the rest of the night listening to great music, eating fondue as the main, devouring cheese and bread for desert, and drinking plenty of fine red wine. What an awesome end to a great trip?!