Jobs

About a year ago my parents gave me some invaluable advice about my blog.

"Don't mention anything scathing about your current job", they began, "potential future employers put a lot of effort into thoroughly researching applicants", they continued, "and if they perceive ungrounded pessimism in your blog", they argued, "then", they signed, "you won't get the job you want".

I've had some time to think about this and I've come to the conclusion that my parents are absolutely right. This leaves me in an awkward position because I'm afraid that at some point in the last few years I may have voiced frustration at my various jobs. Fortunately, however, my future employer (I'm guessing his name will be Charles), will stumble upon this post when performing his exhaustive background research on me. Consequently, this is a fantastic opportunity to make amends for my previous uncalculated emotional outbursts on my blog. So without any further adieu, Charles, this song is for you:

(Que soft sounding piano)
Charles I've got something to confess,
At some point in the last few years I
may have fallen victim to work related stress,
and in an act of delusional thinking I... may have told a lie.

I guess what I'm really trying to say
Is that I'm sorry about the way
I criticized the 9-5 working routine.
For you see the truth really is:
That I love working in a cubical all day
and staring for hours at my monitor display
I see now what I should have always seen
that I'm the weird one, not the biz.

(Que drums and guitar)
I'm sorry that I didn't believe
I'm sorry for what I used to perceive
I'm sorry that I had to apply for leave
For the last few hours of New Years Eve

I was fucked up in the head before
but the old me has exited out the door
It's the 9-5 not the 9-4
And it shouldn't be any less or any more!

I need to ask you for your forgiveness
This sedentary lifestyle is good for fitness
And now all I want for Christmas
Is to spend more time in your business

The best time to spend indoors is during the day
I don't want to be anywhere else anyway
Even when I've done all my work I'll still stay
Otherwise how will I be payed?

Projects that don't matter are really fascinating
And I never spend my time contemplating
whether I should focus on something more captivating
I'm not having a go, I'm just stating
That the work I do is really motivating

(Que slow flute)
I applaud any bosses decision
To pursue what they envision
And treat my ideas with derision

The 9-5 is traditional
Which is why it's nonsensical
To work any other way
So I'll suck it up and just have a g'day