Monday, May 13, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Religion
No I'm not going to start a rant. I just finished watching a video in the University as part Islam awareness week. The description on the flyer made me think it was going to be a lecture by a main speaker about abortion- like it was yesterday. Instead they played an under-budget film with substandard actors with a plot line composed entirely of exhausted cliches. The protagonist - a single, poor, jobless, pregnant woman stranded in New York city contemplates getting an abortion. Then the woman realizes after talking with a kind, trusting, religious gentleman that having the baby is the best decision ever. The credits were the best though. It showed a 5 minute clip of the baby 5 years later running along a beach with the mom smiling and singing next to her dream partner.
Well, I guess that settles it, I'm convinced. Not getting an abortion is fucking awesome.
It turns out that the movie was really just preaching to the coir though because when they asked for feedback from the audience Everyone (and I mean everyone) gave a fantastic review and talked about how it so accurately represents 'societies one dimensional nature for pro abortion'.
Furious and a little bored, I put up my hand and gave my full rant. I talked about how the movie misrepresented the other side of the argument and I talked about how the movie used unfair persuasion tactics (like dramatic music) to push a very bias agenda against abortion. The entire theater turned around and looked at me with confused eyes. It's at that moment that I realized almost everyone was wearing the same yellow T-shirt. They were all volunteers for the pro life campaign around UNSW. A few figure heads tried to create a rebuttal against my argument, but didn't get far because the Pizza had just arrived. I was saved again by the delicious, cheesy, greasy bell.
Tomorrows lecture is at 1:00pm and it's about same sex marriage. No doubt there will be some religious figure head trying to push the naturalist argument against homosexuality. But he won't get far, because wherever religious indoctrination spreads, Atheist man and Agnostic boy (Goddamn, I wish I had a sidekick) will be there! Just look for the secular sign in the clouds! (the secular sign is just a giant penis).
Well, I guess that settles it, I'm convinced. Not getting an abortion is fucking awesome.
It turns out that the movie was really just preaching to the coir though because when they asked for feedback from the audience Everyone (and I mean everyone) gave a fantastic review and talked about how it so accurately represents 'societies one dimensional nature for pro abortion'.
Furious and a little bored, I put up my hand and gave my full rant. I talked about how the movie misrepresented the other side of the argument and I talked about how the movie used unfair persuasion tactics (like dramatic music) to push a very bias agenda against abortion. The entire theater turned around and looked at me with confused eyes. It's at that moment that I realized almost everyone was wearing the same yellow T-shirt. They were all volunteers for the pro life campaign around UNSW. A few figure heads tried to create a rebuttal against my argument, but didn't get far because the Pizza had just arrived. I was saved again by the delicious, cheesy, greasy bell.
Tomorrows lecture is at 1:00pm and it's about same sex marriage. No doubt there will be some religious figure head trying to push the naturalist argument against homosexuality. But he won't get far, because wherever religious indoctrination spreads, Atheist man and Agnostic boy (Goddamn, I wish I had a sidekick) will be there! Just look for the secular sign in the clouds! (the secular sign is just a giant penis).
Thursday, May 2, 2013
beard
Three days ago I experienced one of the greatest joys a man can ever experience. I'm talking of course about eating left over food that has been stuck in your beard. The event was made even more perfect by the fact that my tongue was only just long enough to reach the very corner of the chill con carne. Just to be sure I reached it all, I turned my tongue into a car window wiper for a few seconds after I devoured the mouldy meal.
But all good things come to an end. Two days ago, my beard had reached that awful length where the line between unfashionable and caveman had been crossed. I was waddling my way toward a uni sex bathroom just before my class was about to start, and as I was in the act of pulling the door open, when a small Asian girl leaving the bathroom simultaneously tries to open the door from the other end. As the door swings open I notice the young Asian girls face turn from yellow to white as she accidently glances at my face. Something about my beard scared the shit out of her because she let out a quick uncontrolled high pitched scream that could make glass shatter.
It was at this moment that I realized my beard had to go. It's just too incontinent having something attached to your face that drives fear into the unconscious mind of normal people. I shaved it all off yesterday. And yes, I did take a picture of me midway through shaving. And yes, it is a photo of me with just neck beard. No, it won't go on Facebook.
RIP Beard. May you grow in peace
jasper won the bet, he takes the crate :(
But all good things come to an end. Two days ago, my beard had reached that awful length where the line between unfashionable and caveman had been crossed. I was waddling my way toward a uni sex bathroom just before my class was about to start, and as I was in the act of pulling the door open, when a small Asian girl leaving the bathroom simultaneously tries to open the door from the other end. As the door swings open I notice the young Asian girls face turn from yellow to white as she accidently glances at my face. Something about my beard scared the shit out of her because she let out a quick uncontrolled high pitched scream that could make glass shatter.
It was at this moment that I realized my beard had to go. It's just too incontinent having something attached to your face that drives fear into the unconscious mind of normal people. I shaved it all off yesterday. And yes, I did take a picture of me midway through shaving. And yes, it is a photo of me with just neck beard. No, it won't go on Facebook.
RIP Beard. May you grow in peace
jasper won the bet, he takes the crate :(
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Livin the good life
When I imagined living out of home, my expectations were pretty high. I expected to get involved in a sport, eat healthy, and be productive with my work. Sadly, reality has a way of interfering with imagination.
I woke up this morning to rediscover that my bread and butter - by which I mean my bread, weetbix, milk and butter - had been eaten. Frustrated and tired, I opened the fridge to see what I could eat. I found; half a carrot, some jam, a few eggs, and two giant 8L tubs of sour cream filling up the void of the bottom half of the fridge.
The dream of eating healthy is dead. But at least I can stay fit, right?
No.
God, no.
My disgusting diet of sour cream and eggs has left me with very little energy. I can barely summon the energy to walk to upper campus, yet alone go for a rewarding run. I'm panting and sweating just writing this blog post...
Also, all my running gear smells like cat feces and vomit - what I do in my own time is MY business, not yours. I could wash the clothes, but that involves stumbling past the kitchen where I will inevitably get redirected to the fridge.
I can still do well at Uni, right?
Well, we'll see. The only good lecturer I had this semester finished her section of the course, and now we've been given another lecturer. Sadly, the new lecturer I have does the standard 'read from a power point until all the students fall asleep tactic'. Experiencing 4 years of this at UNSW has made me want to start up a reality TV show. I would find all the incompetent professors at UNSW, lead them away from Uni with a trail of bread crumbs, redirect a school bus of 10 year old's into the University, pay each kid $3 and a lolly pop to stand at the front of a class and read off the power point, then check whether actual Uni students notice an improvement in teaching quality.
Of course, for the show to be successful I'd have to cut to a scene of puppies playing in feathers or woman's volleyball.
I woke up this morning to rediscover that my bread and butter - by which I mean my bread, weetbix, milk and butter - had been eaten. Frustrated and tired, I opened the fridge to see what I could eat. I found; half a carrot, some jam, a few eggs, and two giant 8L tubs of sour cream filling up the void of the bottom half of the fridge.
The dream of eating healthy is dead. But at least I can stay fit, right?
No.
God, no.
My disgusting diet of sour cream and eggs has left me with very little energy. I can barely summon the energy to walk to upper campus, yet alone go for a rewarding run. I'm panting and sweating just writing this blog post...
Also, all my running gear smells like cat feces and vomit - what I do in my own time is MY business, not yours. I could wash the clothes, but that involves stumbling past the kitchen where I will inevitably get redirected to the fridge.
I can still do well at Uni, right?
Well, we'll see. The only good lecturer I had this semester finished her section of the course, and now we've been given another lecturer. Sadly, the new lecturer I have does the standard 'read from a power point until all the students fall asleep tactic'. Experiencing 4 years of this at UNSW has made me want to start up a reality TV show. I would find all the incompetent professors at UNSW, lead them away from Uni with a trail of bread crumbs, redirect a school bus of 10 year old's into the University, pay each kid $3 and a lolly pop to stand at the front of a class and read off the power point, then check whether actual Uni students notice an improvement in teaching quality.
Of course, for the show to be successful I'd have to cut to a scene of puppies playing in feathers or woman's volleyball.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Back to Australia
My Bali trip is over. My body will be forced to adjust back to a life without continuous massages, fine Asian cuisine, and hot & humid acid rain.
Overall the trip was great. I got a chance to catch up with my cousins, buy plenty of Bali Bintang shirts and drink plenty of watered down Bintang beer. Towards the end, I became an expert at haggling – you know you’re good when a majority of the shops refuse to sell you a shirt because your price is too unreasonable, whereas and a few other stores reluctantly accept. I got 5 Bintang singlets, a necklace, a beer opener ring, a wrist band and an American Yankees hat which I conveniently lost on the airplane.
While I was in Bali I got several flash backs of living in the countries capital, Jakarta. I was reminded of the awesome and totally unusual school I attended back from 2000 – 2004, the great friends I had, and the really unhealthy lifestyle I lived due to safety and environmental reasons. I was also reminded of the wide spread poverty, too. It really hits you the second you get into the car and look out of your window. You see kids begging in the streets, people bathing in sewers, and beggars relentlessly trying to sell you anything for $2. Perhaps what I found most shocking about the poverty was how short of a time it takes to become desensitised to it. It’s impossible to avoid noticing just how widespread the poverty is when you juxtapose it with the small spikes of teeming wealth, but after a while you just care less. The unnatural and abrupt change from broken down streets and open sewers to 5 star hotels hits you hard at first, but by your 4th drink, you care significantly less about everyone else around you. I don’t think it’s because I’m a lightweight, I think it’s a mix of the lifestyle I’ve lived as kid, and natural human thinking. I also went to an elephant park where I got to see elephants transport people around and perform simple circus tricks. The sight was nothing short of spectacular, I’ve never seen an elephant up close before, and it was really amazing to see how they eat and move. Sadly, I noticed a few ‘behind the scenes cruelty’ acts on the elephants by the locals who worked there. This inspired me to look up elephant safari parks online when I got back to the villa. I found out that almost all elephant safari parks within south east Asia are hubs of secret animal cruelty. The ‘crushing’ phase, for example, is where the locals intentionally sleep deprive the baby elephants and separate them from their mothers to ‘domesticate’ them.
Despite this, the trip was still amazing. My favourite part was probably bike riding which involved riding down from the volcano Ulan Batur for a good 20km. We went pretty slow because we were forced to move at the speed of our slowest relative – Marcus – who is 12 years old. I wasn’t there to see it, but apparently he stacked it over some rugged terrain and did a Peter Griffin moment clutching his knee going “ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ooh, ooh, ooh…”
Oh yeah, I’m 23 now.
Overall the trip was great. I got a chance to catch up with my cousins, buy plenty of Bali Bintang shirts and drink plenty of watered down Bintang beer. Towards the end, I became an expert at haggling – you know you’re good when a majority of the shops refuse to sell you a shirt because your price is too unreasonable, whereas and a few other stores reluctantly accept. I got 5 Bintang singlets, a necklace, a beer opener ring, a wrist band and an American Yankees hat which I conveniently lost on the airplane.
While I was in Bali I got several flash backs of living in the countries capital, Jakarta. I was reminded of the awesome and totally unusual school I attended back from 2000 – 2004, the great friends I had, and the really unhealthy lifestyle I lived due to safety and environmental reasons. I was also reminded of the wide spread poverty, too. It really hits you the second you get into the car and look out of your window. You see kids begging in the streets, people bathing in sewers, and beggars relentlessly trying to sell you anything for $2. Perhaps what I found most shocking about the poverty was how short of a time it takes to become desensitised to it. It’s impossible to avoid noticing just how widespread the poverty is when you juxtapose it with the small spikes of teeming wealth, but after a while you just care less. The unnatural and abrupt change from broken down streets and open sewers to 5 star hotels hits you hard at first, but by your 4th drink, you care significantly less about everyone else around you. I don’t think it’s because I’m a lightweight, I think it’s a mix of the lifestyle I’ve lived as kid, and natural human thinking. I also went to an elephant park where I got to see elephants transport people around and perform simple circus tricks. The sight was nothing short of spectacular, I’ve never seen an elephant up close before, and it was really amazing to see how they eat and move. Sadly, I noticed a few ‘behind the scenes cruelty’ acts on the elephants by the locals who worked there. This inspired me to look up elephant safari parks online when I got back to the villa. I found out that almost all elephant safari parks within south east Asia are hubs of secret animal cruelty. The ‘crushing’ phase, for example, is where the locals intentionally sleep deprive the baby elephants and separate them from their mothers to ‘domesticate’ them.
Despite this, the trip was still amazing. My favourite part was probably bike riding which involved riding down from the volcano Ulan Batur for a good 20km. We went pretty slow because we were forced to move at the speed of our slowest relative – Marcus – who is 12 years old. I wasn’t there to see it, but apparently he stacked it over some rugged terrain and did a Peter Griffin moment clutching his knee going “ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ooh, ooh, ooh…”
Oh yeah, I’m 23 now.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
BALI
I'm now in Bali! It's awesome.
Moving from Jakarta to Sydney had made me forget what it's like to be treated like a God. It's really relaxing sitting in a pool all day, enjoying fantastic Indonesian food, getting massages by the beach and not doing any form of cleaning. I never do any cleaning in Sydney, but at least now I don't have to live with the consequences of my actions :).
I went clubbing with my brother and my cousins last night too. That was fun. Walking between clubs I got encountered by dozens of locals trying to offer you all types of random shit. No doubt they're taking advantage of drunk Aussies who don't have the self control to say no to yet another pair of copy glasses. I even got approached by a guy who was selling me something which looked like a white battery or a really short and fat cigarette. Intrigued and drunk I asked him what it was. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "Ini?" [translation: this?]
Him: ";lsakdjf;saljf ;lsak asl jsfj a;lj sa;ldjf askjf;lsajf ;ljsaf;ljsa asd;laf ... as;lj;saj!! as;lja;lsjfa;lks f;lasjfd as;ldjf;lksajf;lsajf;lsajf;lsajf;lsajfsadkfsa;lkfjsa;lkfjsafksaj;ldaksf;lsaf;lsafsa;lfhas;lffsa?"
Me: "...?"
Him: "a;ljfsajf."
Me: "...?"
Him: "COCAINE!"
Me: "OoOoOoOH! Tidak Macasi." [translation: OoOoOoOH! thanks no.]
Moving from Jakarta to Sydney had made me forget what it's like to be treated like a God. It's really relaxing sitting in a pool all day, enjoying fantastic Indonesian food, getting massages by the beach and not doing any form of cleaning. I never do any cleaning in Sydney, but at least now I don't have to live with the consequences of my actions :).
I went clubbing with my brother and my cousins last night too. That was fun. Walking between clubs I got encountered by dozens of locals trying to offer you all types of random shit. No doubt they're taking advantage of drunk Aussies who don't have the self control to say no to yet another pair of copy glasses. I even got approached by a guy who was selling me something which looked like a white battery or a really short and fat cigarette. Intrigued and drunk I asked him what it was. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "Ini?" [translation: this?]
Him: ";lsakdjf;saljf ;lsak asl jsfj a;lj sa;ldjf askjf;lsajf ;ljsaf;ljsa asd;laf ... as;lj;saj!! as;lja;lsjfa;lks f;lasjfd as;ldjf;lksajf;lsajf;lsajf;lsajf;lsajfsadkfsa;lkfjsa;lkfjsafksaj;ldaksf;lsaf;lsafsa;lfhas;lffsa?"
Me: "...?"
Him: "a;ljfsajf."
Me: "...?"
Him: "COCAINE!"
Me: "OoOoOoOH! Tidak Macasi." [translation: OoOoOoOH! thanks no.]
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Beards, Bali, Books and Bookings
See what I did there with the title? All the letters begin with B. Don't see it, that's OK, look up now. See it now? Yeah, it's amazing isn't it? How did I come up with so many words beginning with B? Years of studying the dictionary and poetic techniques have all lead to this outstanding moment. It's a pity nobody will be able to see that title because nobody reads my blog anymore - not even me. Seriously, it's been yonks since I've actually made a blog post. And it's been even longer since I've made a post unrelated to my frustrations at Uni/life.
In order to bring back the stalker demographic that usually follows my feed, I'm going to have to bring back more stories of binge drinking, stupid competitions and travel! Here we go!
Aiight, so I'm having a competition with 4/5 of my other roommates. The competition is to see who can go the longest without shaving their beard. The winner will get a crate of beer of their choice (topped at $60) bought by the other contestants, and the first loser has to wax his snail trail. It's been 2 1/2 weeks now and I'm starting to hit my first obstacle - the itch phase. It's a phase where your beard gets to the length where it curls around and tickles your jawbone/chin. The result is uncontrollable scratching and severe social alienation. My beard is worse than most because for some reason, I seem to be growing a type of blonde afro from my face which makes it itch a whole lot more. This won't stop me though, my roommates and I both know just how competitive I can be when it comes to meaningless crap - just take a look at how seriously I take Mario Kart. Fortunately, things will get easier once my beard reaches the length where it can successfully act as a portable fridge by storing bits of food & drink.
I'm also going to Bali in 4 days for my cousins wedding ! Wooh! I'm skipping a whole week of Uni - assignments and all - just so I can personally wish my cousin a happy future. Oh, i'm also gonna be there for some of the cheap food, hospitality and partying scenes too. For some reason I've always connected the Red Hot Chili Peppers with Bali, which makes me think of the song "californiacation" which makes me ironically think of California. But distractions aside, it'll be an amazing trip :)
Uni is going OK too. Studying is harder this semester than other semesters mainly because I think I have less concentration than I d. I also joined the Triathlon Club at UNSW - needless to say, everyone ran away from me :(. I don't think I'll go back because it was filled with really enthusiastic couples. I've got to say, being 9th wheeled is a weird experience.
Oh yeah, I'm going to Europe via China in July for a cousins Wedding again. We're anticipating a fast divorce and speedy marriage. It should be cool. I'm traveling via Amsterdam, Germany, France and possibly Switzerland to get to England for the wedding. I'll probably still have the beard growing by then, so I'll be happy to be stereotyped as the drunk hobo who steals all the food at the buffet.
In order to bring back the stalker demographic that usually follows my feed, I'm going to have to bring back more stories of binge drinking, stupid competitions and travel! Here we go!
Aiight, so I'm having a competition with 4/5 of my other roommates. The competition is to see who can go the longest without shaving their beard. The winner will get a crate of beer of their choice (topped at $60) bought by the other contestants, and the first loser has to wax his snail trail. It's been 2 1/2 weeks now and I'm starting to hit my first obstacle - the itch phase. It's a phase where your beard gets to the length where it curls around and tickles your jawbone/chin. The result is uncontrollable scratching and severe social alienation. My beard is worse than most because for some reason, I seem to be growing a type of blonde afro from my face which makes it itch a whole lot more. This won't stop me though, my roommates and I both know just how competitive I can be when it comes to meaningless crap - just take a look at how seriously I take Mario Kart. Fortunately, things will get easier once my beard reaches the length where it can successfully act as a portable fridge by storing bits of food & drink.
I'm also going to Bali in 4 days for my cousins wedding ! Wooh! I'm skipping a whole week of Uni - assignments and all - just so I can personally wish my cousin a happy future. Oh, i'm also gonna be there for some of the cheap food, hospitality and partying scenes too. For some reason I've always connected the Red Hot Chili Peppers with Bali, which makes me think of the song "californiacation" which makes me ironically think of California. But distractions aside, it'll be an amazing trip :)
Uni is going OK too. Studying is harder this semester than other semesters mainly because I think I have less concentration than I d. I also joined the Triathlon Club at UNSW - needless to say, everyone ran away from me :(. I don't think I'll go back because it was filled with really enthusiastic couples. I've got to say, being 9th wheeled is a weird experience.
Oh yeah, I'm going to Europe via China in July for a cousins Wedding again. We're anticipating a fast divorce and speedy marriage. It should be cool. I'm traveling via Amsterdam, Germany, France and possibly Switzerland to get to England for the wedding. I'll probably still have the beard growing by then, so I'll be happy to be stereotyped as the drunk hobo who steals all the food at the buffet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)